Everything is Bleak

I'm just going to waste a bunch of time. If I weren't wasting it in this way; I'd be wasting it some other way. One point of me coming here is to see my friends. The other point obviously is to see my orthodontist. But if that were the only point. I wouldn't stay so long. If that'd been the only point this time. I'd've left last Friday. I could have gone back to my own dull life in Wisconsin. Rather than sitting around and hoping the someone cared enough to exert a little bit of effort. (Mostly I am generalizing, and don't mean most.) Seriously!? What did the world do before cell phones? Obviously before the cell phone. No one had friends. And everyone spent all of their time alone. I want to run away now. And go back to counting on spending all of my time alone. I'll go back to getting nothing done. And I'll revert to not developing interpersonal skills because they won't be needed. I will crawl under the rock from whence I came. I will not bug anyone for their time again. Yes, I do overreact with my words. but my words and thoughts are all I have to keep me company.

No one is trustworthy. No one is worth it. I am being bleak.

To waste more time: I don't actually have anything to say right now but to complain. That makes me seem worse than emo. Woe is me, the whole world sucks, life sucks and then you die, I have no Friends, nobody cares, I will never be wanted, I don't belong anywhere, I feel so unloved... I'm pretty sure that I don't truly feel this way all of the time. But with nothing but time to reflect on the actions of others, and their words, I can't but help my fleeting thoughts from coming back time and time again. All I can do is make sure I know the truth. But this subconscious really rides on a person over time. It leaves a person feeling numb. and no matter how long I feel this, or wrestle with it, or battle with the war of thoughts raging in my head; I still feel numb, and cannot change it. Even after all these years. Even after the changing of so many circumstances and personal opinions. Even with the difference of viewpoint and knowledge that comes with a different age and idea. It's the same. If feels the same. It hurts the same. I can only think the onslaught would lighten if I went back to being separated from the cause. Tear myself from the spans of the others. Stop caring so much. Shoot! 'tis not possible to have you see my way. I wouldn't want that for you either. 'tis far to bleak and disconcerting.