Scenes and Oneliners about seemingly nothing...

How about if I chronicle some of my one-liners?:

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"The fool hearty antics of a disparaging little girl..."

" Life goes on. It's just a book. It's only as important as you make it."

"It's just one great line after the other the only things lacking are a story and the characters. The speech itself is divine."

"There was a time in my life, a very short time have you, that I didn't know me. I didn't act like me, I didn't think like me, I didn't want to be me. and very little good came of it. For the me that should be me, is good. All else defaults to bad."

"If it were just spring with no other seasons, what good would it be?"

"Oh, I just love it when you talk to me, even if you lie."

"the whole world is a ruse. A fantastic story by which I like to play my games."

"How is it that someone can be so impenetrably full of themselves?"

"She wrote then, with a feverish ferocity (velocity?)."

"I can no longer say: I've never been in love. I can, however, still say: I've never been truly loved."

"Can't you see, I stole this song from you."

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- and now a scene or two;

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"Now you're doing it" he came at her.

"Doing what?" she honestly replied.

"You're running away this time... and avoiding me." a short but seemingly endless silence ensued. Until thoughtfully she responded.

"So you admit it. You were running from me."

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"Do me a favor" he looked up at her as she now spoke to him, "don't lie to him." She was referring to her father. Still he looks at her questioningly. Wondering if this includes her own past sins and indiscrepancies. "about anything... that too." she finally concluded and quit the room. Leaving him to ponder his answers for; if and when her father would undoubtedly question him.

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She was so engrossed in her own thoughts, and the reading of his letter as she walked, that she collided with a tree. And brandishing fresh cuts and scars, was forced to return home full of embarrassment due to both her head and her heart.

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She felt like she should feel like she shouldn't be there. Seeing as she was in all categories like the other woman. And now completely out of place. Her fear was the only think left to grasp her heart and keep it beating. Still she stayed. Knowing those feelings all too well. Even if being out of place seemed a thousand time intensified at this instance in this place. She was determined to feel at ease. None but him, knew of her indiscrepancy. Only he had power here, if he choose to yield it.

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I suppose I shall not have one. They all move on, due to my being so naive and immovable. Why is it that I have to drive them all away without knowing? And am only allowed to know, after their passions are gone, of them even having any?

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Her gaze was still caught on the high balustrade as she unlocked the door and began to enter into her now imminent future.

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-That's all for now folks.

I should die without a purpose, if I'd had one before.

Hello all, I had something specific of which I wanted to relate here, But Alas! I have forgotten it. Bummer Days! On another note: do you think it terrible of me to have cried? I'm not sure why I did. And granted; it was not a sob, or an overwhelming tear-fest. I merely let a few drops slip from my eyes, and my lip quavered a bit. But still; I cried. Perhaps it was due to what was said. but That would make no sense. It was merely a denial of remembrance. then it must have to do with the psychology of my emotions that I have tied to what was to happen, before the denial was spoken. In other words: I had too much emotion riding on what I thought was to be. And again I was disappointed. Though, I should understand by now, from past experiences, that the remembrance of myself, or of anything to do with me, is not so well kept. I tend to be forgotten by many, if not all. But this does not take away from the fact that I must sojourn on. I must keep on keeping on. If I don't, I might just cease to exist as a whole. For a person without a purpose is not a person at all.

'tis not I who longs to change...

Hello again. Have I told you how restless I can be? Have I mentioned how much I dislike the way that things are going as far as life is concerned at the present? I truly cannot stand being kept in the dark on such things that should pertain to myself. If I wanted to be a bum, and didn't feel the need to contribute to society, or my general health, I would not mind that this is so long coming. Perhaps I am not as forward as I should be in the matter. However, I am not certain of how much more forward I can be, than saying it directly. Do not fret, I speak of more than one instance than just your plight. Any who!... I am resolute to stop dreaming of things that cannot come to pass. Though, my heart does not want me to relieve itself of the hopes, my logic will not allow me to keep on torturing myself with such fantasies. I pray that yesterday was your last, and I will be able to meet again with you without so much riding on your look and my desires. All these pretty words to say; yet again: I need to stop dreaming about you.

It was I who brought the rain.

A new decision in the way of writing; I will, and have, start(ed) writing down those seemingly monotonous scenes that scream through my brain on a day to day basis. So far, They seem very non-connected. And I'm working on developing a story for some scenes that are; undoubtedly connected. I just have to figure out how to take the character to the first scene; and from there to the others that keep me from sleeping. What I'm saying is; maybe it will all work out into one gigantic hodgepodge; but then again... It might become a concrete story. The problem with me is the writing in book form. I can write in scene form, but not in play form. I think I need to work on that. The combination of the two styles (with a twist) is way to confusing thus far. I think I develop the story; and then decide how I want to write it. From who's point of view will it be? Blah blah blah... correct; this is just idle musings that currently don't make sense. Other than that; I'm back in OC. whooHoo! I'm slowly and surely beginning to see who my friends are, and how close we will ever be. But more on that emo canter another time. for now, I'll busy myself with the reading and creating of stories and living in non-reality.

Who's line is this?

It's just one great line after another. But I don't always right them down. I've yet to find a way to connect them. And in the past; without enough of a connection... I got carried away. I've always, always, wanted to write a story. But I'm lacking a plot and characters. Today I thought; I could write a story about a person who's having troubles writing a story (you know, taking half truths and combining them with some sort of imaginative fantasy). But I still can't think of any wonderful things that anyone would want to read about into it (anyone being myself included). So I'm stuck again. With another notebook filling up with great one liners, and amazing dialogue flowing through my thought processes. Perhaps I need to decide how I want to go about thinking about it; before I go about thinking about the story fully... No, I just have no idea. So far it's a scene by scene thing; With no visible connectors; and different characters in each. Oh well... maybe one day I'll be able to construct one concrete vision; and write that one down properly.

Giving way to my subconscious Imagination.

Would you come to visit me if I moved to the UP? Would anybody care? Would I go crazy in that large old school? Would I be free with my creativity? would I lessen my already low skills of intercommunication? Why would I? The Town is smaller than the one I went to HS in. And it's so spread out... I love the city. Yes, the building is beautiful. And I could actually see myself there. But then; When I can see it happening the likelihood is that it most likely won't. Which could sadden me. But I've already splayed my more than typical tendency to run from what I love, everything logical. It's all just a giant fantasy. It won't happen anyway. But still I wonder... Would anyone come? would I gain any form of interaction? Or would I let my psyche take me wherever it felt to lead? An over active imagination can be a dangerous thing, Especially when set loose; nixing all trace of boundaries. I can see me. It's beautiful. It won't happen the way I see.

Rediscovering a First Love

You know how you can fall completely in love with a song all over again? Well, the first favorite song I had; that was by my first favorite artist: Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette, was mine. I loved that song sooo much when I was in, what(?), the second grade? Well, I've just recently discovered a new (to me) acoustic version of this beloved song. And I've fallen back in love with it all over again. There are a few other songs, that I've rediscovered after long discontinuances with them; But This one. This one takes the cake. It might be one of my favorites again. Go Acoustics!

I was foolish to belive

I want to apologize for being difficult. I'm sorry CrapBag that I was difficult with Do You Want to Know a Secret. I repent of the difficulties that I created in not acting exactly the way I should. I do not know the reasons for that instance. Perhaps it was the initial fear. But As for this new instance and looking back on that one; I feel there was nothing actually running through my head to spur on my actions (or lack of actions rather). I realize that it came across as utter stupidity. But I suppose it is a matter of instance, and the abnormality of which the circumstance presented for me. There is no fear as great, as that of not knowing why you're afraid I guess. I don't know why I do what I do. I'm uncertain of the reasoning behind my actions; where I was once so confident, and then I stand still and refuse when the actual situation is presented at me. I guess I just need to talk myself into things sometimes, and that doesn't always coincide with the timings of other peoples wants needs and agendas. So for no being what I think I should be; and for being unable to justify my not being what I think I should be for you at certain intervals: I do apologize.

P-retty M-uch S-tupid

These days don't come very often. It's less frequent than a month and a half most times, and when it does happen; it last very few days. It is not supposed to be taken seriously. It is not supposed to be retorted. and I am not supposed to have to deal with the Captain acting the same way. I'm sorry. But then; I have a REAL excuse... What's yours? Seriously! Just because he's a stupid teenager; doesn't mean he needs to act like it. He tries so hard to act like a normal Teen. And ALL that that implies.

Romanticism and the Underexperienced.

So I'm ecstatically happy. Stupid Hormones. Sometimes I like it better when they're imbalanced as per usual. It's more predictable. But then I have to go and do something that gets them all into whack again. And Wham they're back. Don't get me wrong. I'm extremely excited that there's nothing wrong. This really makes no sense without details. But I'm not giving details. Just colors, emotions, and theories. I'm pretty sure that this time, the inanely stupid thing I did was read a "romantic" story. And I'm not usually one to be girly girly. It's a lot of work for me. and ever so slowly it's becoming pretty naturally. I jest partly. Well, at least it was reading an insanely juvenile chick-flick of a book that did it. Verses what usually does it. Or at least has done it previously, more recently. I think it would be better if I didn't go to that extreme again for a long time. Until it's due time. I do understand though, that my body understands the female logic better than my comprehension does. And of course I appreciate that. Otherwise I'd be a caveman. Let me know when I make sense again. It'll be after I stop giggling for no apparent reason.

This viscous cycle keeps on turning...

Want to know how much life hates me? Well?... My stupid school for one, with it's awkward set-up and non-helpful help, had mad opportunities for me become almost non-existent. I've not been made aware of most opportunities for myself, which they're supposed to help with. So now that I've found them on my own... It's too late! Bastard! And then there's the whole; No money, to get money, viscous cycle. Very similar the the cycle of not having experience, no gaining experience one. I need a good job, but I've no experience. So I look for an internship, but I graduated more than 3 months ago. I can't get into a master's program because I don't have enough money, but I can't make the money to get in. I can't even get a non-industry job, because I have no experience. But they wouldn't give me the chance for experience when I was younger, and now they think I'm too old to be in that position. This Sucks! So I'm stuck here. In my office, working for my dad, and not getting any money. Maybe I'll move to MN, and in with Pie. Just for a few months to look for a job there. Or with G-ma, there, or something like that. Why the frick! uuugh!