Why Does Rex Get the Girl?

I knew better than to fall that hard. And of course I was right. Why don't I ever listen to my cynical self? Because usually she's just being cynical, overbearing and hurt. But this time: she was right. Yes; I couldn't really help it; but if I had listened to myself, I might have been better prepared for this. Why in God's green earth, should I feel like my heart is broken after 3 months of communication, and one date? Probably because of the way it ended... or, or, or; because I'm a stupid girl and let myself start feeling during those first 3 months. In retrospect, my overly cynical self tells me that he didn't like me as much as he said and his leaving for 6months is a great excuse for him to cop out of saying; "I don't like you, you crazy girl." But then my logical self chimes in and says: "Not everyone is clever enough to think like that." So it's just a happy coincidence. 
I was coming to terms with not specifically waiting, as requested: but then he went and gave my number to his friend... so he's resigned himself to my not being available by trying to ensure that I won't be? Seriously; if he did like me as much as he claimed; wouldn't my talking with his friend the way his friend wants to talk, pose a conflict of interest in the future? Wouldn't that friend and him have me hanging in the balance between them after that 6 months? Or is my cynical self right, and he doesn't like me like he said he does. Did. 
It probably doesn't help that I'm becoming an emotional cynical wreck again. I seriously have not liked anyone like this since Soul-Shoes; and it wasn't that quick with him either... But I think Soul-Shoes still lingers a bit. A reminder of why I don't let myself fall that hard. But then; If I never fall that hard; I'll never fall at all... and then I'll be an old maid who drinks by herself and has no friends or love interests. I don't want to be an old maid. I want someone to take me away from this. I want someone to struggle through life with, have ups and downs, and eventually be the last couple on the dance floor at our great grandchild's wedding... Dang, my martini's gone. 
Maybe tomorrow I'll not listen to this heartbreak music, and I'll be ok alone again. Maybe I'll go back to content with monotony... Who am I kidding, I wasn't really content with monotony; I used to have hope. But the glass has been toppled and it's no longer half empty; there's only a puddle remaining, filling up it's side as it totters on the edge of the table. 

Too soon too fast too much too deep

I don't really know why I chose tonight of all nights, but I'm drinking alone. I woke up depressed after a night of bad dreams and uneasy sleep, then mood dramatically changed later in the day; It went through a few transformations due to random circumstances, or maybe not so random. And now I'm in a depressy mood once again. Only now I'm full of Martinis. I'm not crazy drunk. I'm buzzed though, and should probably just call it a night. 
How is it possible that I can become so... so... addicted so fast? I don't usually have an addictive personality. But My emotions are tied to how I think this guy is thinking. And that's just it: I don't know what he's thinking, so it's all conjecture and assumption. I have a very over active imagination, and a cynical nature; so it's not usually the best that I come to. I try to find the better light of things, but I can't do it today. It's just not happening. I'm coming to the worst conclusions, and I feel terrible. I think I like him. Maybe too much too soon. He says he likes me too though; so if we're taking him at his word, then it's not too bad. But I am wary of being stabbed in the heart again. 
For the past two days I've been listening to the least helpful music too... Classic Love songs of Rock'n'Roll, Ella and Luis Songs for Lovers, Dion and the Bellmonts... It's just terrible. And then he wonders why I'm the way I am. I'm a stupid girl and my emotions get all out of whack on occasion. I have little to no control over it apparently. But I really do like him. I catch myself day dreaming about the future; I never do that. I'm not a usual mushy girl. But seriously; I thought about myself in a wedding dress today. Where the Halibut did that come from?! I never think about weddings, Never this soon, not usually later even either... If this is wrong; I think it may ruin me if we say goodbye. And just thinking that; makes this whole situation worse. 
Seriously; I'm considering compromising my life away for him already. So pathetic girl!