Life as a new lightweight.

I don't know how accurate this is; but they say this is post 150. That seems like a pretty consequential number. But what I have to say may seem a little inconsequential. Only because I wish to remain an inconsequential nobody in most peoples lives. Like I just told my dad. MOST of the time... Most of the time, I don't want to be looked at like a 'girl', I would prefer to be seen as just another person. I think this may be because of the way I was raised. No, seriously. Growing up, I had to go everywhere with my brother. I.E; He would want to go out with his friends, So to ensure that they were good boys; I was sent along. I was also not allowed to go almost anywhere without him. Not such a bad sentence for him, I never went anywhere, because I had no friends. In turn, on occasion, His friends became my friends. I get along better with guys, because I knew how to interact with them better, and I simply have just spent more time with them. So I think I'm more or less programmed to think that way; these guys are my friends, and/or I am just 'Pie's sister' or 'Ent's cousin' and am not a 'sexual' or hormonal threat to anyone.

But alas, it cannot be so. UUUUGH! There's bound to be some guys that let their hormones take over and don't see me as just another person. Poo. Which is fine. Such is life. It's not like I'm completely A-sexual or anything. I've not sworn off the male species as a whole. I'm not a nun. I'm not a lesbian. I'm not even bi. I just don't want to get into that right now. Yes, society, the way that it is right now, has bred this thought process to be thought as insane, not right, or even retarded. But I'm not looking to get jiggy at this point. I want to go out and enjoy my life. I don't need the whole hormone circus to do so. So; if I come across as naive to your moves, or am not picking up on the hints, no matter how blatant. I'm either truly naive to them, or I don't want it. Which both are probably true. Sorry guys. I do want a man, just not yet. And when I have him, he'll REALLY want ME. Call me old fashioned. But I don't see the need for unnecessary heartbreak and complications. As the song says(paraphrased); 'I'm young, and I love to be young, and I'm free, oh I love to be free, live my life the way that I want free to do whatever I please...' (no that I've typed them out I don't think that's exactly right, meh)

And of course all of this is screaming in my mind more clearly now that I'm a lighter weight than I used to be. I'm talking about drinking. I used to be able to keep up with Rocky. Not so much anymore. After 2 now, I really start to feel it. After 4 my mind and stomach are like 'NO, stop!' and then my body acts drunk, but my logic is mostly in tact. In tact enough to say no before it goes too too far. Bad joojoo. (I've never typed that before, huh) If I were completely sober, No guy would try to take advantage of me I'm quite sure. I only say this because no one has in the past. Bad joojoo. Well at least I'm not a featherweight, who knows what would happen then.

I'm not sure I said exactly what I needed to, but I'm pretty sure I made a point.

My how time does fly

Only one more week until my inevitably lame birthday. Okay, that may be a tad harsh. But if I just expect the worse; I'll be pleasantly surprised if it actually doesn't suck terribly. Yes? yes. I'm still thinking about what exactly my plans will be for the day; and surrounding it. I suppose it might go something like this; Shower and do my hair and stuff Wednesday before work, Close, Next day; the 28th! Go to breakfast with dad (Oh geeze! I don't know if he'll do that again?!... it was tradition before I lived so far away from him...) Then during the day; shower and do my hair; then go out to Whitewater with Colby... then next day; open, then shower and do my hair... That's way loose for planning. I'll think about it. Oh yes; I want to thank everyone in advance for remembering me on my birthday, and helping to make it a positive, and good one (wink, wink). I hope my stomach gets better before then, it's still not 100% from last Sunday. Poo!Last year; I 'partied' harder and was fine comparatively. Come to think of it; Last weekends events were exactly a year after birthday weekend last year; that four day period that I went non-stop, and hit my zenith of... Immorality(?). That's Intense... No, not like camping.

The plan is; Curl up and be depressed.

Yay! I get to start to hunker down and prepare for what is undoubtedly going to go down as one of my lamest and/or worst birthday's ever. The only thing I WANT for my birthday mostly every year is; T0 spend time with my friends. But; lo-and-behold; This year; I Have NO friends. None who'll be around for my birthday. I've even gone down the list (small as it may be) of my 'friends': Cho=Too busy with school and whatnot; it's been however many months and still haven't heard from Cho. Holly and the wifey; same story as Cho. There's no one else left in the area from that time in my life. All of my other 'friends' are in SoCal, or moved from there, or Abroad. No one to celebrate with. Poo! Besides that. Why would someone want to do my birthday with me, if they don't want to see me/hang out any other time? Lame. Here's another one for the History books. I'll get over it someday. maybe. Probably not anytime soon. There are only about 15 days till my birthday and it's not planned because I can't plan anything. I'm about 2 and a half months behind on my planning. Poo! I just want My Friends. So I get none.

Excrement!

I think I'm over it, and that I can be normal finally, but then I let it all get to me once again. Insanity! Well, poo... I do apologize for my crazy antics. I don't mean to sound/be crazy. But I do/am. I don't know where to go from here... I don't know if I've ruined it. Again. I can be such a poop! Crap! And I'm not even trying to. If anything; I am making an attempt at the opposite. This is all nonsense.