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I don't know if anyone has to deal with this, the way that I do, but I'm sure other people have to deal with motivation. They say that humans are creatures of habit, but I don't think that's entirely accurate. There are some who say that if you do something long enough, "routinely," it will become second nature and habit forming. They say if you do something for three weeks, or for a few months. But for me, I have to force myself to do things everyday. I still have to talk myself into brushing my teeth. Which, I do, every day. Starting this spring, I was going swimming every day. And every day, I'd get ready and get out there, and then; standing at the edge of the pool, I'd have to hype myself up to jumping in. This started back in April, it's now July, and I still have to talk myself into jumping in. Last year, I put myself on a strict exercise regime, and I did it from May until September. That whole time, I had to talk myself into it every day. Yes, some days were easier than others, but as soon as life got stressful, I was unmotivated to motivate myself to keep trying. As some know; I'm trying again with the exercise thing. Since my circumstances of living are significantly different now, It's much more difficult to actually Do what I think I should and to stay on track. In other words, this time around; my self conscious self gets in the way. Though I recognize this, that doesn't make it any less difficult on a daily basis. I'm also not receiving any outside motivation either, actually; at times, it's quite the opposite. That's actually part of the reason for me making my healthyvan.blogspot.com blog. Also the reason for the 10 day check-in videos on my Ceeyena account on Youtube. It's also the reason I'm putting actual photos up of me in all my fatness as well. I'm trying to trick myself into being motivated and just do it. Hasn't really worked yet though.
However, I have assumed the role of the motivator for Mr. Peanut. I can figure out the right, true, things to say when he needs it. Most days it's easy for me to motivate someone else, especially if I believe in them. Maybe that's the issue, right there... I don't believe in me.
I am considering revamping the Look and feel of this here blog. Not sure if I'll go through with it. But it does "need" to be done. Some other things that need to be done; I need to screen those shirts for Client #1, and I need to deep clean the bedroom. There are spiders under my bed. BF likes to put the pillows on the ground next to the bed when he goes to sleep. Ergo; when I make the bed, there are now spiders ON the bed. This is definitely not good. What I'd like to do is get in there and take everything out and then vacuum and mop and sweep and dust and all that jazz and then reorganize all the stuff, but the room is too small for that, and I'm not feeling dedicated enough to start a task like that, one which requires it all to get done in one day; or else I WILL go crazy. And I kind of like my sanity... The little bit of it I have left.
And Now I'm just going to say this; Some people make me uncomfortable. Why the SamHill would a damn "Bro" try and hit on me?! My BF is the fourth wheel to this tiny party. It must be my mesmerizing Double D's.
I rarely do this anymore; and the thought just occurred to me; if for no other reason than this, one shouldn't drink until they're drunk... Hygiene. There is no drunk person (that I've ever come in contact with) who is passing out, falling over, stupid drunk who says; "Hey guys, wait a minute, I need to wash up before going to bed." No! They just plop. Depending on the level of drunk, they may consider this as an option. But if they are wholly drunk; ain't gonna happen. Personally I hate the feeling of waking up in an aura of funk. Besides the funk of your body, stomach, and head disagreeing with the amount of alcohol you consumed the previous night. The added funk of fuzzy teeth and unwashed face is enough to send a person to the porcelain god and regret their actions. Then again; that may only be if you think about it too much. Either way the unclean feeling probably contributes to, what we call, the hangover.
Sometimes I have great ideas. Sometimes I just feel like being creative, but cannot find an outlet. Sometimes, I have no idea how to motivate myself to do/be what I would like to. Sometimes I wonder why I can't sleep, if I'm not going to be able to be productive if I stay awake. So I'm going to try and put this insomnia to use right now. It is after 2am, and I'm going to put together a character. I've decided to form/mold/create a character for an RP I'm going to be a part of. However, I don't even know where to start. Developing their personality takes time and precision, and you have to know where you're going before you start off with these sorts of things, or your character will change part of the way through and everyone will be like: who is this?! Generally, for these sorts of characters, I first find an image to stem my inspiration from. Most RP's I've been a part of have called for an appearance, and a photo/drawing/image of some sort is the easiest way to go about this. I have, on a number of occasions found an image via Google Search and photo-shopped it to look just right. Why? Because while I'm looking at images, I'm ruling out some and considering others, so before an image is even found, the character is being developed. Then you need to find a personality that exudes those traits you've now founded in your head and then combine the two and create something fantastic... or not so fantastic; however you're inclined. After all of this though, a name needs to be chosen. I like to give my names meaning, or choose names with meaning rather, but then the names of all of my characters turn out sounding foreign or old or just plain strange. But then again, I don't really care for everyday names... not that they're bad, I just don't want my characters named them... Unless of course, everyday is what we're going for. After we have a name we actually develop their personality through either a personality section or a biography section, or both. Yes, these are both usually rather short, I don't think I've every written more than a paragraph for each. But because they're so short, each word that goes into it, must have meaning and, for me at least, the ideas presented have so much more background implied in them than is needed to be said. The worst thing about this process is: You put all of this time and energy into creating your perfect character for the given plot and then you have to wait until you can use it. Worst case scenario; the RP's never started and your character lingers in a feed to get passed over until it's forgotten and never used. To avoid this; I save all of my characters for future use. This has come in handy a time or two. I'm sure the characters appreciate it.
I don't know if anyone has to deal with this, the way that I do, but I'm sure other people have to deal with motivation. They say that humans are creatures of habit, but I don't think that's entirely accurate. There are some who say that if you do something long enough, "routinely," it will become second nature and habit forming. They say if you do something for three weeks, or for a few months. But for me, I have to force myself to do things everyday. I still have to talk myself into brushing my teeth. Which, I do, every day. Starting this spring, I was going swimming every day. And every day, I'd get ready and get out there, and then; standing at the edge of the pool, I'd have to hype myself up to jumping in. This started back in April, it's now July, and I still have to talk myself into jumping in. Last year, I put myself on a strict exercise regime, and I did it from May until September. That whole time, I had to talk myself into it every day. Yes, some days were easier than others, but as soon as life got stressful, I was unmotivated to motivate myself to keep trying. As some know; I'm trying again with the exercise thing. Since my circumstances of living are significantly different now, It's much more difficult to actually Do what I think I should and to stay on track. In other words, this time around; my self conscious self gets in the way. Though I recognize this, that doesn't make it any less difficult on a daily basis. I'm also not receiving any outside motivation either, actually; at times, it's quite the opposite. That's actually part of the reason for me making my healthyvan.blogspot.com blog. Also the reason for the 10 day check-in videos on my Ceeyena account on Youtube. It's also the reason I'm putting actual photos up of me in all my fatness as well. I'm trying to trick myself into being motivated and just do it. Hasn't really worked yet though. 
