you could shoot your eye out!

Feety pajamas are really the greatest thing ever! seriously... I love them. I'm not too fond of the color choice given... or the pattern of the one... But the best thing! Pirate swords with a belt sheath is cool too. Probably not best to wear together... but eh, to each his own. I guess it's true; I do like weird/dorky things. But now all of them, not stupid useless things, and other certain things. I'm not a fan of pink, or signifying my name on my person. Or those articles of clothing that make a wrongful declaration of self across choice parts of the body. Not a fan. Gody pins... godyness... stuff stuff... If it's just a thing, and not ironic, or flattering, or useful, or seriously funny; I'm probably not going to like it specifically. there are a few exceptions to this [very few] and they are pretty well know. And if I say specifically that I don't like something; it's a better bet to not go in that direct direction. {duh} But all in all, I guess it's the thought that matters. And what is all of this about it being better to give. I'm more excited with the thought of giving; but no one is as excited as me for what I give. I give thoughtful things; but they follow my train of thought from a specific like of a persons to what I think would be good. So I guess I'm just as bad as all them. Though what I did still is in the like side; just not as ironically funny found as I would have hoped. Crazy. Maybe I just remember more than everyone else... all that nonsense stuff that people say off the cuff; like Buzzy with the statement about the sweater vests; and the Orange sweater vest. too bad; he won't remember, and will think I'm twisted or something. Oh well. we'll just go back to that for awhile. Halo; das ist gut? Nein... woher kommen sie? yep yep yep!

wasted time gets wasted after all...

This is really sad... We leave in less than 12 hours... less than 11, 10... 9 hours. Oh! I will be staying up tonight, so that I won't sleep in, I have to wake Sam up in like 2 hours, or so, and I don't know when Leaf wants me to wake her up. She's not in bed yet. I also get to finish a bottle of Vodka, and 2 Liter bottle of Sprite, a liter of Orangensaft, and some other stuff. I'm feeling a little drowsy. tomorrow, I think Leaf wants to get a cab to take us to the airport. That's okay with me. She also wants me to take her extra bag as a check. She doesn't have everything in the bags yet... I don't know if it'll fit. I hope so. I get to go back to work Tomorrow... well, Wed. it is Tue here, but only like 4pm in Cali on Mon still. And another thing! I will be wearting David Bowie in German, for like 2 weeks straight. We went everywhere to find him today; and that was torturous. I couldn't remember where we'd seen him last week... Ooops! so we walked eveywhere looking for him. I have like 30+ Euro left... and don't know what to do with it... maybe i'll buy junk at the airport. I don't know. Just don't know. Leaf is just now reconfiguring her bags to fit everything in. eik! Sam goes back to being a workaholic again starting Wed. too. Leaf leaves for South Dakota on Friday... and I'm not supposed to talk to Buzzy so much... People ask stupid questions. Stupid! Three down... at least one more to go! Vodka Orange juice/ Vodka Sprite. Yum... Everything tastes better here... well, not everything. I wasn't enthralled by the beer, and our supper today at Zoologichier (sp) left a lot to be desired. Our ZimtundSahne tee today was also very dissapointing... That's too be expected when your waitress looks like death... but the tea was uninspiring so I looked around instead. The paintings on the ceiling were just about horrific. Some nude muse pinching her own nipple, and an orgy... seriously? yep! I'ma gonna miss the €2,50 pizza though... S'e la Vie! I do have a few cheesy gifts to bring back. and when I get back; I'll have less time to think about these few things that I don't want to think about. Awe... that makes me want to cry. I did cry a little today. I saw a picture of the captian; He shaved his head. He was unrecognizable, and without the beautiful hair... Another thing I don't want to think about... I need a tissue!

That last day...

Today, is my last day in Berlin. We leave Tomorrow morning; early. I am trying to decide if we should go out for one last hurrah tonight. I would really like to. But not like our Hurrah of Tuesday, but kinda like our Hurrah of the First Saturday night. or Last night. OoOOh! last night, Sam and I went to Magnet again. We saw live bands this time; It's a musical, and Bishop Allen. Very good! I recommend. I think I'll look it up tonight. see where we can go... if Leaf ever gets back. She went out last night while Sam and I were gone. to meet up with her new British friend. it's now 11am, and she's not back yet. I'm very concerned. One because she's not back yet, and because she has been sick since Thursday. I don't know! Sam keeps asking me...wait... Is that Leaf. Yep!... Did you know that every liquor that I have had here has been really strong... and not like in the states strong, like a good strong. Yum! I don't think she should get off this easy! Lame! Well, today we have to go get the best tea one last time, and David Bowie, Sam wants a man purse, and then... last minute gifts for all my peeps. Tchuse... (I'll add a picture lates)

Hugs, and endless contradictions

Watch out world, Here I come! I leave for Germany in two days! I don't really believe that I am fully prepared, but what the heck! I can do this. I am so very excited. I will see Heather, and Sam, Be in another country. And hopefully,won't convince myself again about Rocky. That would be a Travesty. I really want a best friend. I need a hug. I almost cried today... It's about time for a breakdown. Why's everybody always picking on me? I appreciate the attention. okay, not everyone picks on me, but a significant number of people, don't appreciate me in a positive way, or at least the way a girl should be appreciated. I need a hug. I like hugs, I don't get them very often. I am very "bitch-like" when people first meet me, Generally speaking. But I am really that touchy freely, loving person, who does give a damn about her friends, just doesn't know enough about human interaction to deal with it. Good Grief! Do I have to wear my heart on my sleeve for people to care. I don't do that, because I have a "persona" to uphold, that I've inadvertently given myself. and now, I do not want to disrupt. Why? I guess I fear I'll be hurt. I guess, I think that if I let myself be the way I want to be, everyone else will see through me, and I will become none again. I won't be the one they're guessing about. I will just be another someone who is un-mysterious, and therefore uninteresting. I can't stand to be the norm. Well, I guess I could. But who wants to be. I am the non-conformist. And I don't do things just because no one else does, or I shouldn't or for opposite reasons. I do things that are appropriated by society, but I want to do. As long as I keep me safe from all that which I don't want you to see. But I do want you to see. come have a look see. Give me a hug.

A day at the park, doesn't end like this...

This waiting thing is soooooo over rated. Yes, I find myself waiting again. Lo and behold, for the same person. Does he enjoy this? I call when I say I will, I do everything I say I will do. (as long as I remember I said it) I can't believe him. Well, actually I can. I wish that weren't the case though. Frickin' Rocky! He must get some sort of kick out of this. Maybe, he's on drugs... That would explain a Lot! But I don't think that's the truth. He did text me today, when he said he'd call, and yesterday too... then He did call me, later, at approximately the time he said he would. That's progress. But it's all been shot today. He said for me to call... So I did, at the appropriated time. and He was either supposed to answer or call me back. That was hmmmmm Like 4 hours ago! Good Grief. Moving on... just forgive him for all that he isn't and never will be. let it/him go! He's got me writing all this nonsensical twaddle. I have like 6+ pieces based on my annoyances with him. I just wrote a bunch of them out for Holly, and his Wifey. I decided to do it all by hand. Have Him tell me what's the problem with them. I figure; who better than to critique it, than a writer himself. and friend. Uggh! that's all I can do... just let it go, and continue on being his friend. I can't do more than that. I can be good at it... I make a great, and true friend. I will stand by you, when you need me. I only hope that one will be the same to me eventually...

The agenda of those who don't get to choose

The way things go down, can not always be helped. I have no control over what goes down sometimes. It's pretty, lame. I want something to happen one way, and all of the circumstances, are set elsewhere, so it can't happen that way. It's probably better. If things went "my way" I would not be a happy camper. Maybe for a time, I would think I was happy, but what I want, and what I really know I want are two pretty different things. LAME. I would like it if I still didn't want those things that I know are wrong for me. Yes, I know, that it's "normal" to want something that is bad for you. Like doughnuts, or french fries. I got over french fries, I can get over this. I shall get over this. And in fact, I am thankful, that other people have their own agendas, and the world is not subject to mine. but can function on their own. bend mine to theirs. forsake my agenda. call me not for what I am, for I shall be none to thee. The cast away of late. Your own shunned friend. the last of what you'll never know, you never had. Because, life does not happen the way we choose. If it did. I would have not wanted this at all, for other circumstances would not have arisen to begin with. the circumstances which took me from my frame of thought to what I have become. The last of not you have forever.