Hugs, and endless contradictions

Watch out world, Here I come! I leave for Germany in two days! I don't really believe that I am fully prepared, but what the heck! I can do this. I am so very excited. I will see Heather, and Sam, Be in another country. And hopefully,won't convince myself again about Rocky. That would be a Travesty. I really want a best friend. I need a hug. I almost cried today... It's about time for a breakdown. Why's everybody always picking on me? I appreciate the attention. okay, not everyone picks on me, but a significant number of people, don't appreciate me in a positive way, or at least the way a girl should be appreciated. I need a hug. I like hugs, I don't get them very often. I am very "bitch-like" when people first meet me, Generally speaking. But I am really that touchy freely, loving person, who does give a damn about her friends, just doesn't know enough about human interaction to deal with it. Good Grief! Do I have to wear my heart on my sleeve for people to care. I don't do that, because I have a "persona" to uphold, that I've inadvertently given myself. and now, I do not want to disrupt. Why? I guess I fear I'll be hurt. I guess, I think that if I let myself be the way I want to be, everyone else will see through me, and I will become none again. I won't be the one they're guessing about. I will just be another someone who is un-mysterious, and therefore uninteresting. I can't stand to be the norm. Well, I guess I could. But who wants to be. I am the non-conformist. And I don't do things just because no one else does, or I shouldn't or for opposite reasons. I do things that are appropriated by society, but I want to do. As long as I keep me safe from all that which I don't want you to see. But I do want you to see. come have a look see. Give me a hug.