It's not the depression itself that hurts, it the emotions that come with the train of thought that cause pain. Forgive me for starting off topic, but as I've stated before; this is how my train of thought goes.
I don't know why I keep trying to think of a way to get back to someone/thing that is trying to move on without me. Nothing in it is logical or probable. And yet I am logically thinking about the most probable way to accomplish it. It's not that life is unhappy or whatnot the way that it is, nor was it better, or will it be better if I were to accomplish what I want. Maybe it will be... but that remains to be seen.
I keep playing scenes in my head of what will happen if I were to do one thing or another. and I know that these scenes will never play out, even if I did do that which in my thoughts made it happen. I realize that I am full of wishful thinking. and that wishful thinking has left me feeling used. And feeling used in one thing, makes me think of all the things I feel used in. Which in turn, makes me slightly depressed. And with depression come the unfounded feelings of being unwanted. But these are all biased. and determinate upon a single character. When the whole crashes, the single entities strengths and play are completely blown out of proportion and I fall deeper. Therefore: I've not been trying to move on. I don't want to fall deeper into myself. But then again, maybe I'm just trying to talk myself into something with all of this babble.
One day I'll figure out the truth. One day I'll think of myself as truly happy. One day I'll be someone better than me.
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