I know this may come as a shock to you. But I have, for some time now, known that I didn't want to be just friends. But, I wanted to keep you close, and happy. So I said OK. The distance between us was a perfect camouflage for the turmoil I felt at it. But when we're so far apart; If I don't think about it, perhaps it's not real. It is not your fault that the words you type rip my heart out. You could not have known my reactions in our discussions, because text is faceless, and I'm a good liar. I chose to not say the truth at the advice of others, and that is something that I regret. Maybe one day we could be friends. Or if I hadn't let you so far in. Though, that's something else you could not know. Maybe one day I'll find direction and I'll mend fully. I thought I had. The tears were a surprise even to me. So I'm not searching anymore. I'm not planning. I'm not plotting, and I'm not thinking. Love is a strong word. But it was at the tip of my tongue. Now it's drowning in a pit somewhere. There it will remain until someone comes along and helps me rescue it. Could be next month, could be years from now. I don't want to mislead anyone anymore. Not even me.
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