I need a new plan. I had an old plan, but there were other players in that plan that pulled out. And I haven't come up with a new plan since then, because, I'm a girl and I like to live in this place called denial.
Perhaps my new plan will me to work my life away being mediocre in Southern California. Or maybe I'll work enough at being mediocre to get back to a life that I'm not sure will be still waiting for me. I know it's not waiting for me now, but I still hope.
Truth is; I don't know how to be more than mediocre. So I may be destined to always be mediocre. I'm just okay at most things. Those who are worse than me think I'm good. I'm just mediocre. I excel at nothing. I don't make friends easily. I am friendly with everyone, but I'm that friendly person that is forgotten. But we have been over this before. I am mediocre, average, forgettable.
In other news, besides my mediocreness... I also make mistackes. Yes, mediocre mistakes, but they have come to haunt me. Oh, maybe not haunt, but I think about them. But then again; before commiting these mistakes, I knew they were the type of thing that sticks with you. I'd heard stories.
I HATE BEING MEDIOCRE. I HATE BEING FORGOTTEN. I immensely dislike that I'm not exceptional at anything, or to anyone.
That's enough emotional out-bursting for one night.
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