The Moosy Cave

What happened to my mood? I was happy seeming, and cheerful this morning. I had plans for the day; I was going to be productive. Then it is over and I feel locked inside. That sad and stuffy feeling of un-accomplishment. I am drawing towards the end of my book that I'm reading. I don't like it when a story I'm involved in ends. I only left the house to pick up my brother from school, and to move the car. I stared at job postings for a long time today. I couldn't apply to any of them because I knew I wouldn't be an acceptable applicant. I thought about working on my book for a while. But then that creativity was drained from my by the stupidity of ignorant teenagers. I gazed at my paintings for a time, but was unmoved by them. I matched a man to  couch set, and I was doing good still for a time after that... When is it hat I lost steam? When the sun started to set? No. It was well before that. Maybe it was reflecting on how hopeless I feel. Maybe it was that phone call I made; it could be a feeling of unresolve. It might have been the bad idea to talk to the wrong person. But I honestly thought that wouldn't affect me any more. I thought I was over it. I thought I could be the one to reach out and still be a good friend. Maybe it was the realization that I can't always be a good friend to everyone. maybe it's knowing that there are hopeless cases. Maybe it's feeling completely alone; that I'm going to be stuck in this situation until something changes, but knowing that nothing's going to change in my favor. This is all downward thinking. I know that there must be hope. But when you're searching for light at the end of the tunnel, at what point do you realize it's a cave and the only way out is to either break through a wall where there is no opening or turn around and go back. Which begs the question; do you remember the way back? Did you leave bread crumbs? Is that trail of string still there? Can you still see that string? Has your lamp been extinguished? Do you have to wait for all the man made lights to go out before you can see what you're missing? 

I feel a little lost in this maze I've created, I keep running into the catacombs, and tripping over stalagmites. At this point I have to remember to not eat the moss; it's poison.