Sometimes I wish I could be an incredibly callused person and be terribly rude and crass to everyone without a thought. But then I remember that I have to consider everyone's feelings. There is this thing that people do: they get irritated, or something upsets them a little bit, but they keep it to themselves for gawd knows what reasons, and then when it's too much; they fly off the handle. They go in the complete opposite direction of consideration. How that Halibut am I supposed to know that the circumstances of the daily bases have changed. How am I supposed to know to try and accommodate someone who is so so spoiled. Not spoiled in the sense that they get all the best all the time. But they get what they want because they want it, and it's always been that way. and if they didn't get what they want; they did something drastic until it worked out for them in a way that they wanted. I gotta get out of these types of situations. I cannot stand tip toeing around with a completely inconsistent variable. If the variable were a constant; I could manage; but if I HAVE NO IDEA that the variables have changed; how am I supposed to know to accommodate them before I get my head bit off?
Yes! This is an instantaneous reaction to a small instance that JUST happened. But I have been so stressed out lately that I'm half a step from the edge. But Me; I don't take it out on that person if I can't do it nicely. I HATE being this close to losing it.
I know that if I lose it a bit; I'm out on the street. And that makes the stress levels rise even more. There is no security. I'm balanced on a high wire one wrong move; and I'm done for.
Maybe if I stay to myself and don't make a peep; I'll be ok.
Oh wait; I've tried that; and I get chastised for being too cold and not being friendly. There is no happy balance. I want to be rescued; but there's no one left to rescue me.
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