Choosing the answers to People's questions. (1)
I have been sitting in this same spot on this couch for at least a week. I'm surprised my laptop hasn't burned through my legs yet. This wedding planning stuff is keeping me busy though, I feel like I'm being productive. So far this week, we've decided on our more specific, general color scheme, a theme and added on to our wedding party. Actually this site helped me narrow down how to describe what I want, and pinpoint what exactly that was. So: Drumroll please... Our colors are Bright Sunflower Yellow, Deep Dark Blue leaning more towards green than purple, and all shades of Gray (with a hint of blue if it must.) Now I know that sounds rather specific, and I've been battling with it for a couple days now because I've been afraid of what everyone will think and how they'll react to it *Deep breaths* But then I realized I could give out this more neurotic color palette and ask people involved to stick to it as closely as humanly possible (within reason, of course). I was also afraid of choosing the colors I wanted because everyone said it wouldn't mesh well with the weather or the environment. Pah-lease! The other thing that helped say it's okay to define my colors so narrowly is the theme/style I chose. I want an 8bit Cocktail Party Wedding. The Puese (Fiancee) and I are both fans of video games, he's more of a super-fan than I am, but we do play on almost a daily basis. Mash that up with my desire to have everyone dress up, and my affinity for vintage "Finer things" fashions, I came up with the theme we now have. Now I'm going to take a break for looking at DIY tutorials for creating flowers and decorations and play some Zelda to get a better scope on what I want those flowers to look like. In the end it's our wedding and we'll do what we want.
Talking through my issues
So I had an emotional/mental breakdown last night. I'm still trying to figure out what triggered it, and why it happened, but I do think I have some contributing factors nailed down.
One; I'm not working. I can't find work. I have loads of time on my hands. I have plenty of things I'd like to do with that time. I cannot feasibly choose to do those things. Well, why not? Because we're supposed to move at the end of the year. I don't want to create anything else that would add to the number and amount of things we'll have to transport across the country. So I feel useless. - To combat this, I could probably have Some arts and crafts time, and make some things just to see if I can. I don't have to make them for the wedding, and I can then get rid of them before we move.
Two; I feel uncomfortable in this space. At the beginning of this year it was established or determined, that my terrible job was more destructive to me than it was worth. So I quit my job and moved in with my BF. A few months earlier he'd moved back from up north and in to his brother's house (Which is a duplex with his parent's house). So it was us in his brother's house, ultra close to his parents. This paired with my personal issues with personal space and social awkwardness makes me not want to get into anyone else's space and do anything "Productive" because it might get shunned/cut short/or something. - I have no idea how to combat this, but If I rearranged my room for the day, I might be able to find the space to do a craft.
Three; I'm doing this all alone. Because we haven't moved yet, all of the people I would enlist to assist me, don't live anywhere close to me. They are thousands of miles away. My mother is here, but she works full time and is having marital issues with her new husband. I suppose I could try and find out if any of my friends here would help me out, but I don't have a car, so I can't drive anywhere. And this is Southern California, no one can be bothered to step outside of their own bubbles and come to me.
I'm sure there's more to my breakdown. But I'm a bit better today, and Fiancee doesn't work today so I can try talking it out with him. He really is the best. He got me a chili-cheeseburger and watched the Iron Giant with me last night; Two of my favorite things.
Whirlwind of WoW ideas on my Anniversary
I am feeling much better now. I am no longer curled up in a ball sobbing and freaking out. Yesterday, to thwart my own reasoning, I pulled my arts and crafts stuff out of it's storage place and set to work trying to create those things that I've found to create. I've been staring at DIY flower creations and have been feeling hopeless about making any of them because I don't want to make anything just so I have to move it later. But DUH! I don't have to make the real ones now. So I set out o make as many paper flowers as I could out of construction paper. I then remade some of them with a video game twist, by either adding a black line to them so they looked cell shaded or by squaring them off so they looked like large pixels. I successfully made 6 different flowers. And I think some of them are sturdy enough to make a bouquet our of. Others are good for other purposes, like boutonnieres. So there's a sense of accomplishment right there. I just need to make sure I can make them out of more sturdy/attractive paper then construction paper, and that my colors will work with my altered designs. But sitting here staring at them (paired with a little talk the Mr. and I had last night about what we want, and what inspires us.) I've been on a roll of fun ideas for our 8 bit Cocktail party.
We both play WoW and other games, and we both liked the idea of the quest, but were unsure how to incorporate it without it feeling out of place. So today; I decided that each of our mailing pieces can be a quest (Invitation, Save the date, Directions card) which would have their own corresponding "quest turn in" (Reply card, the ceremony itself, the bar). Then to go along with that (haven't worked out all of the specifics yet.) But instead of a full bar, because we can't afford that. We would have a specialty cocktail bar. We can create our own cocktails for the event or rename some standard ones. Then for a cocktail menu, we can have the ingredients listed out like item stats. The quest could also be a good way to make sure everyone knows what's going on when (I've been to plenty of weddings where people, or at least I, don't know what's going on next.)
I may need to mock a few of these things up and talk it through with a few people before I set my heart on it though. But all in all, it could be fun and has the potential to be classy.
Hi there; I'm ME.
After reading several posts today, I realized I too had not appropriately introduced myself.
Hi! My name in JohannaJoy. But I go by Van. (For family and people I've known my whole life, or at least since HS call me Johanna). Van is short for my last name. Current last name. *Squeee." I am currently unemployed and pretty much unemployable in our current local and situation. I do, however, have a degree in graphic design. I have been blogging since 2007, but when I realized no one really reads my blog, I kinda only post when I really have something specific to rant about, and I have the time to do it. I'm socially awkward and uber quirky. Usually I'm the odd one out in my family, and my "friends" (Those people whom I've spent time with, but never talk to me... Welcome to L.A. people) know me as being the sporadic nonsense driven, eclectic, crazy one. I don't know if any or all of those things are true, but it's better than being the lame one. I am a nerd enthusiast... I may need to explain this later.
My Fiance is my best friend, my soul-mate, if I were to believe in that, and all around favorite person in the world. Kevin. He's been married before (which I was once friends with both him and his ex-wife. No, I didn't break up their marriage) which sometimes bugs me, but only when he talks about it. He's a game-nerd and beer enthusiast. He's got personality up to whazoo, has amazing ideas, and truly loves me and understands me.
We have both known we wanted to get married since very early in our dating relationship (For him it may have been the day it started...He's said some things) For the past 7+months we've been talking about getting married but nothing has happened. When we first started talking about it, he said next June. So it's become and ongoing joke with us to say. "Wait; are you proposing?" then the other will get a happy derp face... Finally; we were in WI visiting my family and at my best friends wedding, and I asked him why we weren't engaged yet.(I didn't want to plan something until it was official because of my family and their noses getting stuck in my business all the time) So; long story shorter, we bought a ring and have set a date for 1 year after the "proposal" to the date. (I already wrote a blog post about the proposal and don't feel like rewriting it.)
More about us: I'm 26 and he just turned 30. We're planning to move out of Southern California back to the small town I grew up in, in Wisconsin and have the wedding there. Our colors are Sunflower Yellow, and Gray Scale with an accent of Deep Sea Blue (yellow and gray are my favorites). Our theme is called the 8 Bit Cocktail Party, which basically means the whole thing will be a cocktail party with a ceremony in the middle with a video game twist. I don't like real flowers because they die, so I'll be DIYing the floral arrangements. I don't like real diamonds and all that that imply's, so my current engagement ring is a $12.50 ring from the Icing in a setting I like, coated in clear nail polish so I don't get a green finger. I've decided that I NEED my 2 best friends in my wedding party. 1 gets me and keeps me calm, the other is an organizational freak, in a good way and understands that this will be my wedding. Which is good, because Kevin wants his Best friend and his brother. The only issue with that is; I'm not sure I have any other friends than that, so only family will attend the wedding, and my family is a giant mash up, hodgepodge of drudgery and whatnot. We play video games together. Last week we got our Alliance characters up to level 80 (Which is the last expansion I have). So we just made Horde and are working on getting them up there as well. I LOVE Minecraft, we have our own server. I like to think I have a little style. I enjoy retro styles from the 20s-early 60's but can't really take all the hippy stuff (mostly) even though my personal ideals are a bit more in line with that than not. Lastly; I'm a firm believe in Buying local. Supporting my local economy before anything, and then If I can be eco-conscious, Do IT!
I've rambled on now; Thanks for reading.
Just a few fears...
I realized the other day, at a Halloween party, (again) that I am extremely socially awkward. Which led me to thinking...
1) Nobody ever comes to my parties, why would anyone come to my wedding. For instance, my last birthday party, only 2 people came to. The first came incredibly early, I hadn't even gotten ready yet. The other came 3 hours late and stayed for half an hour.
2) When I'm around a lot of people I don't know at all, or don't know well, I shut down.
My fear now is that the only people who will come are going to be the Mr's guests. Then I'll shut down, maybe cry and little, and end up not enjoying myself at all.
He Finally talked to his parents and other things.
Yay! So the Mr. finally spoke to his parents. Which was like pulling teeth for me. (I mean seriously; I spoke to both of my parents in person, and neither of them live close. We live in the other half of a duplex as his). Granted; I know that he didn't want to tell them because of how they would react. They know we're engaged, but he needed to tell them we're planning on getting married after we move to Wisconsin from California, so the wedding will NOT be here in SoCal. And Lo; they reacted just the way he expected them to. Super negatron. At least he's told them, and now they know, and the fretting over telling them is now over. So now I am just waiting for them to give me their quest list requests.
In other news, I've sent out thank you notes to everyone that's agreed to help me plan the wedding. I put together notes for the bridesmaids, both my parents, and my MOH's mother. I'm super excited about them. I made them look like a quest from WoW! and I aged the paper myself. I used regular printer paper, and envelopes I already had. The only thing I had to buy was the string that is my wedding colors and the postage, which was 5 stamps. I like it enough that I will most likely make all the rest of our stationary this way. I'll probably put together a tutorial when I make the next thing. Yay! So the Mr. finally spoke to his parents. Which was like pulling teeth for me. (I mean seriously; I spoke to both of my parents in person, and neither of them live close. We live in the other half of a duplex as his). Granted; I know that he didn't want to tell them because of how they would react. They know we're engaged, but he needed to tell them we're planning on getting married after we move to Wisconsin from California, so the wedding will NOT be here in SoCal. And Lo; they reacted just the way he expected them to. Super negatron. At least he's told them, and now they know, and the fretting over telling them is now over. So now I am just waiting for them to give me their quest list requests.In other news, I've sent out thank you notes to everyone that's agreed to help me plan the wedding. I put together notes for the bridesmaids, both my parents, and my MOH's mother. I'm super excited about them. I made them look like a quest from WoW! and I aged the paper myself. I used regular printer paper, and envelopes I already had. The only thing I had to buy was the string that is my wedding colors and the postage, which was 5 stamps. I like it enough that I will most likely make all the rest of our stationary this way. I'll probably put together a tutorial when I make the next thing.
Moving 2,000 miles alone
I may have just realized why I'm in the funk that I'm in. It's something that I think I have known in the back of my mind for some time, and I just didn't want to accept as the best possible option for the Mr's and my current predicament. Let's take a step back a moment to help clarify...
We (FH and I) have been planning to move out of Southern California. We have also been planning to have our wedding in Wisconsin. Ergo; we're planning to move to Wisconsin. Not really brain surgery that. However, the getting there is proving a bit more elusive of a task. FH works Part-time Retail I have been out of work since March of this year. We need to save up enough money to relocate over 2,000 miles away. So that's the cost of a movie van/truck, 1st/last mo's rent on whatever we can find, plus other moving expenses. I have been looking for work for a long while here, but in this "Wonderful" economy; No such luck. So we're still living paycheck to paycheck and not making any headway, and at this rate; it won't be until after the wedding, and then some, before we can move... and that would be a step backwards in a way. SO! The only way I can see for us to get out there, is for me to go out there now, and for him to follow me when we have enough. I have family out there that I can stay with for a while. There are more opportunities out there to find work, and the cost of living is much much less (one reason for us wanting to move in the first place.) I have not been wanting this to be the choice, because I don't want to go alone. The amount of time that will be in between myself and FH coming out there is unknown. But we do have enough money right now for me to fly out there.
In a perfect world, this is how it would work: I book my flight for the week after Thanksgiving. Then; while we wait for me to go, We go through all of my stuff in storage and sort out what we will need for him to bring with him, and what we can get rid of. I will also start applying to jobs out there in the city where my aunt lives. Then; when I'm earning as much as FH is now, we can look into renting our own place and he would come out with our stuff.
...
But wait! My dad just called and had an idea. I can come ASAP. (My dad is there, but not an option to stay with) He will help me find a car and FH and I a place to stay. So we can find places to work at the same time. THEN; my mom can bring our stuff out to us. (My mom would much rather be out there, and takes any excuse to venture that way.) My dad says he'll ask around about places, jobs and vehicles. If we did it that way, we'd both be out there round about the same time. AND we would have Christmas in the SNOW!
But then I got off the phone and realized that my dad is always full of good ideas, and the reason my mom and I are back in CA is because he has almost zero follow through (BUT THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE). So back to my depressy idea of going alone. (FH and I have barely been apart more than a few days since October of last year, and not more than a day since probably March.
All this to say; it's really difficult to worry about all these things, and plan a wedding from 2,000 miles away with our present circumstances. If anyone has ideas I'm missing; I'd like to hear them.
A hold on planning and a checklist of things to do
We may have to put a hold on wedding planning. We've decided that I'm going (Moving 2,000 miles). But before I go there are some things that we have to get done. Some of these things we've already accomplished.
- Buy a plane ticket. I'd like to leave November 29th.
- Find a place to stay. I've called my aunt, and close friend to see if I can stay with them for a while. My dad is searching for apartments and rooms for rent for me as well.
- Design the wedding website. I won't really have time once I'm gone to work on designing the site, I will, however find time to update it. So I finished designing it this morning. It's not as fancy as any of those pre-made wedding website thingies, but I wanted it to match our stationary. The only way to accomplish that was to put it together myself.
- Re-pack all of my things from my last apartment and have them ready to move. We started this yesterday. We went through all of my kitchen and dinning room stuff, and were able to consolidate it all into One and a Half boxes by way of donation to both thrift stores and people we know. We still have the rest of my stuff and all of his stuff to go through. Luckily, most of my stuff was kitchen stuff and clothes.
- Pack. Since I'm going alone, and will be flying, I have to be able to consolidate my belongings into what I'll need only.
- Find a job. I need to earn as much as possible as soon as possible, so that FH can come be with me.
- Gather guest list requests from my mom and his parents.
I don't think I'm forgetting anything. :/
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