Who am I really hurting by this?
I think I am the only one effected by my stupidity on the regular. What am I trying to prove and to whom? Who is it that I am rebelling against? I know that it is a guilt trip that causes people to justify their actions. It is those who need to justify to themselves what they do that are the ones running their mouths off with justifications at a simple comment, whether directed at them or just stated in general.
So who am I running from? I feel like I am. I feel the need to justify my actions. I think I might be running from the me I think I should be, for the me that I think I could never be. Just to prove me wrong. But I could be that girl. I could also hate her for all eternity. I already don't approve of most of her actions.
And why, when I analyze this psychologically, is it justified by the pain caused from misdirected emotions. Why do I let this still hurt me? How is it possible that I am not letting myself completely move past this? Maybe because I know that there are things that cannot be undone here, and they will always reside. That; coupled with the lack of other wants I'm holding onto, I am a miserable wreck.
In other words. I am a girl. I am a female. I am a woman. All baggage and drama included no matter how hard I fend it off.
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