Oh Em Gee! This Is So Cliche!

I don't know why I'm so worried about it. It's not like I'm actively seeking him out. It's not as if I am prepared to make all of the changes and sacrifices that come with a commitment. But it still hurts. I am still alone. I can handle that. Most of the time, I am perfectly okay with that fact. But sometimes, The feeling rides on me. It balls itself up in the pit of my stomach, and makes life even more depressing. Not always, but sometimes. Maybe it's because I see how it has worked out for me in the past; meaning: not at all. And how others make it seem so, so, Not easy, but less difficult. I guess there's just that part of me that will always want to be loved and protected. There's that part of me that wants to commit and sacrifice for someone else, for an us factor. regardless if it's now, or not.

Maybe that's why I keep doing this to myself... that's not an answer... Maybe I keep thinking back to past non-possibilities because in my self pity there is desperation. Unfounded desperation, but desperation no less. I want something comfortable, and constant. something I know, but am still curious about. Something mysterious and deep. Something with someone I know that I will always love, AND be friends with. Something real.