Sometimes there's a moment when you don't really know what you're going to say, there's just a general idea that something needs to be said, but then you have no idea of how to start, but you know that you just must. Sometimes there's this... thing, that's looming, just hovering over your head, sitting on the tip of your brain, waiting to be said; if only the words would form. On another hand: sometimes, you know exactly what to say, what you want to happen, or what you're expecting, and you can't bring yourself to complete the task, thought, action, revelation, or truth for one reason or another. Maybe I'm the only one, but I can't usually say these things. On occasion; I know it so intently that I start to try to say something, and in waiting for the words to come, whilst still holding the attention of my audience; I'll just say: Ok, ok.. ok ok, ok... Until I find a word to start it. But then still; sometimes I'll pause after the first words, and start all over. Sometimes I'll realize that the first way I was going to start will not have the effect I would have hoped for. Sometimes I drive myself crazy with trying to please people and still be honest.
These truths are usually about either my own personal choices, and may or may not be in relation to how they are effecting my audience. But sometimes they are about my audience themselves. Not too frequently; but sometimes. Sometimes I'm too nice for my own good. Sometimes I can't find the gumption to say; "Dude, brush your teeth." or "You kinda look like a pregnant hippopotamus." Sometimes I can't say; "I'm thinking I might want to move to the other side of the country." Because then I'll have to explore the why's of that. Each statement I make begs a thousand more questions. I don't know that I want to get to the root of the issues. I'm not certain that I want to delve that deep that soon. I may come across as irrational to do so at such a stage. But what I need to say is based in truths. Facts that I hold dear to me. Either moral, hygienic, scientific, relational, etc.
Once again, I don't know if I've put together a coherent thought, but this is what bled from me just now. Happy Thursday everyone.
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