Kicking Dirt onto Year Four

Another anniversary blog. Wow. It was October 19th 2007 that I started this blog with an introduction of myself. I worked at John's Place Restaurant. I was going to school. My 'best friend' was Buzzy. I has issues with the Hedgehog. I was contemplating a costume for Halloween at Jam's apartment. Now I sit here staring at this screen with a broken heart. Buzzy doesn't talk to me unless I run into him, and then he makes empty promises with his empty smile, and I don't even try to cover up my hurt and disinterest. The Hedgehog is exactly the same as he was. Working the same job, in the same city, seeing the same people at the same places at the same times. Of course there are subtle changes, but nothing to write home about. I have not seen him since graduation. Which is another new thing. I have graduated from AI with a BS degree and I was promptly laid off. As I have stated many times in this blog; I am an inadequate product of that education. I'm just in debt over my head to dear Sallie Mae, and I have no means to pay the twit. I work a sad job selling alcohol to people in a retail environment with a fake smile on daily. I'm not even sure if I'll be going out for ole hallows eve this year. I've been invited to a Punk show, and I have a costume that I don't want to wear any longer. I can't go back to Jam's she no longer lives there and is now married to another dear friend of mine. Besides, I'll probably have to work, I need to too. I have an order to appear in court today for a speeding ticket, and it's my first offense. I wasn't even criminally speeding, and they spelled my name wrong on my ticket. Maybe the judge will throw it out because of that. I wish. But the biggest thing: is my broken heart. I really never expected to be the one pining over some boy for 8 months after the fact, because he broke my heart. I never expected to be a girl to claim a broken heart. but that is all that makes sense to call it. I'd like to move past this, but I don't want to let go. If that makes any sense. I never wanted to open up that far in the first place. I never expected to be the one to give that much away, and then have the rug pulled from under me. Then continue tripping over it's threads long after it's gone. I want the rug back. even though it's found a new home under someone else's feet. I've been offered a new rug, it looks like a better rug. But I can't say yes to the rug. It's a great rug, but I don't think it matches the rest of the decor.