Recently, in one of my more vegetative states, I found myself perusing Netflix in an attempt to entertain myself. What I stumbled upon that day; still has me thinking, nay; it has me pining for dance once again. The Australian TV show Dance Academy is the only thing that caught my attention that day; so I proceeded to watch 12 episodes in a row. It made me remember all those feelings I had towards dance and ballet, and had me questioning why I stopped. I can't for the life of me come up with a good enough reason why I would have. Only reasons that are blaming others for my own misfortunes. Granted; they were legitimate reasons. But if I had wanted to dance as much as I thought I did; those reasons wouldn't have prevented me from finding a way to do it. So what was the actual cause of the discontinuation of my passion? Probably the same reason that plagues me to this day to make anything of myself or keeps me from obtaining any sort of passion. I simply don't believe in myself. I don't actually think I'm capable of being good enough at something to pursue it fervently. The deep and foreboding feeling that no one will think I'm good enough, or that I simply won't be more than mediocre circumvents the desire to want to accomplish. The hope that is fueled by the passion is squashed my by low self esteem and those who would see me fail. So in the end it is ultimately my own fault. No matter what anyone said to me so that I didn't feel good enough, worthy enough, or special enough; I didn't pursue it. I let their words get to me, and now only I have nothing to show for it. So perhaps now, the recognition of this, today, will help me to change? What I can do today is choose to be better than someone else may think I am. And if anyone says that I can't (Even me) The first thing out of my mouth should be "Why not?"
1 comment:
:) good read, Cee! You are even better than what I think of you ... Which is ALOT!! >_<
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