The first half of a bad third

OK, I was originally coming here, now, to tell of all the things that I'll miss about California, and all the things that are weird, strange, or just simply different here. However; there is one thing that has seemingly followed me here, and can at times be admittedly worse. A young gent I tend to call my Teenage brother. Thank you for being the most obnoxiously indecisive aggravating bad bad kid I know. Do you really think that I do not know of your follies? Do you really believe that I am so inanely naive that I do not or can not fathom the intents that you desire to fulfill as a maverick of unnecessary mischief and stupidity? Thank you. Now on to something else... How's about how absolutely bonkers it is that I was so utterly excited for the minute happenings of this past Friday night. All alone one lonely victory dance of unimaginable proportions; being had by myself. Yay! I can't really say more than that. Other than to simply state that certain tests taken previously with certain results have been proven wrong, and another test is no longer needed. Also that I've noticed that when one thing happens "emotionally" another does ... "psychologically" and that is all. I do believe that I will begin another post now. I do this due to the fact that I'm not saying anything, save for large and unneeded words in this post you read presently.

I've not seen you for a Fort Knight

So, since I've been here, all of 12 hours. (just kidding) I have noticed there are several things I'm going to miss, or am not accustomed to. I will miss sanitary seat covers in public restrooms. and seriously! what is all this fresh air stuff. Also, I know no one, and I know about nothing to do. I don't have anyway to network, or get connected. I'm already restless. I need things to happen. I like it when things are moving. I can be really irritable when things just aren't happening. When I am needing something to happen, and then they just aren't. Ugh! I think I need to make things happen, but I can't, because I personally lack the means to do so. I miss Moose! and Leaf! awe! how obscenely sentimental. Oh well. Sojourn on! And I'm sorry RissaLa, I really tried; but I still don't like My Best Friends Wedding. For different reasons now. but still. So I leave you with this. knock knock, "who's there?" "Ooze" "Ooze who?" "Ooze in Charge 'round Here?"

Oops I Crapped My Pants!

So I already said this a thousand times before. Moose is too confusing for me. He's just so, so... Uuugh! I'm not really sure. I said I'd always be his friend, and I do mean that. It's just, I didn't know that it would be all this confusing and heart wrenching all of the time. Oh well. But on to better things, or different things at least. In order to commemorate my leaving and moving on to different places. Noting that I will be unable to use the excuse "I live here, I can do that some other time" and am therefore running out of time here. I have agreed to one of the stupidest things in my life. I'm going to Knott's Scary Farm. I'm going to need some depends, Some Oops I Crapped My Pants. Not cool. I watch the news covering Knotts every year, and I get scared, I talk about clowns and zombies, and freak myself out. I can't watch scary movies. Like that "scary movie" I watched with Rocky, it wasn't scary, the ending was retarded beyond all reason, but while I watched it, I scared myself silly. I have an over active imagination at the worst possible times. No good!

wish me luck!?

Come one, Come all;

Our dearest friend in this realm of Orange, Miss JohannaJoy Elizabeth VanArsdel, Duchess of Naught, is embarking on a new journey, partaking in a new adventure in the far away land of CowsBeer'n'Cheese. We wish it for you and yours to join us in this celebration of departure on the 27th day of the Ninth month of the year 2008. Festivities will commence at approximately three in the afternoon. Our fantastic adventures will be take place at 383 North Lincoln Street, in the kingdom of Orange, in the land of California. If all would please dress according to a role of either a fantasy or fairytale likeness. (the Lord of the Rings, the Chronicles of Narnia, the Grimm fairytales, stories from Hans Christian Anderson styles, etc. are all appropriate.) All should also come bearing gifts for parting to share (gingerbread, pirates rum, stinky cheese, etc. be creative.) By order of the queen; we do hope you will be able to attend. What: Going Away Party for Van Where: 383 N. Lincoln St, Orange, Ca 92867 When: September 27th, ’08 @ 3pm Who: For those dressed in a creative Fantasy/Fairytale type of apparel, and who bring a creative food or drink item that can correspond with a fairytale (not necessarily their own) Why: Van is moving to Wisconsin, for a time. RSVP to either Tiffany Brader or JohannaJoy (Van) please.

Leaving on a jet plane, don't know if I'll be back again...

So, once again, I fall behind. Change is really hard; stress comes easy, but my emotions are all out of whack. I am not sure if I'm making the right decisions. Based on my recent behaviors while under the influence though, I do believe that my making this decision could not harm me. Although it may come across as running away. The first thing to terrify me was the idea of loosing my connection to my music. Such as Indie 103. 1. The Midwest isn't really the best place for my music. I miss it every time I visit there. The second thing I've freaked out about was the pace change. I do believe that I will be able to handle the pace of the Big Apple. It's being so far away from "civilization" or the city at least that I'm not sure about. Of course I've freaked out about other things; and in no particular order I might add. things such as: Leaving behind EVERYOne I know. Sure, I do know people in Wisconsin, but that was more than 5 years ago. I quite certain they've either moved on with there lives, or we're just too different of people now. I am leaving behind my closest friends. I care so much about them, that I dread the disconnection from them. They'll move on, I'll move on. It'll just hurt; A lot. Yes, besides all of my anxieties, I am very excited. I'll record, work on design, and hopefully be accepted to the school of my choice. I just wish I could take someone along with me for the ride. But I feel like I'm pigeonholing myself into what I've feared; becoming useless, insignificant, and forgotten yet again. Now; there are many more things, but this is on the forefront of my mind. and it's all happening sooooo quickly. less than three weeks, no wait, less than two.

That cannot anger me.

Granted, it's been a long time. A lot has happened in that time too. I've written a lot, just not here. I've written speeches, cover letters, poems and letters. I've gone to Indiana, Wisconsin, Nevada, and The mall. I've driven my mom's car, my dad's car, grandpas' car, Grandma's and my own. I've driven through heat, rain, cold, wind, tornadoes, and buckets of water. I've been laid off and kicked down, forgotten and ignored, I've moved, and laughed, re-arranged and smiled. I've sang, and even played my guitar. It's been fun. More than that has happened; but I don't think it's necessary to go on about it. That's enough of this one.

Call in the next 5 minutes and loose a best friend. At no extra price.

Going along with the same theme and or tone of some previous posts. WHAT THE HELL! That's all I can really say. All but, say one or two people, vote for the curb. I understand it. But I DO NOT like it. I don't think I should make it that easy. This is already too hard for me. Just think. Two people can ruin a persons life in mere minutes. One person is capable of ripping to shreds all that the another has worked four years at building in a blink of an eye. I wonder if this sort of talent at debauchery is marketable. "Just look what can happen. In mere minutes; you can have the life you never wanted. One simple payment of your Heart, Morals and soul and this turmoil can be yours" or something like that. I don't think I like it. "no returns" "no refund" this is just awful. and not in a good way.

And Now you make me feel.

I feel used. Abused. Tossed aside. Forgotten. Dismissed. Broken. Stomped out. Made useless. Dirtied. Dingy. Tainted. Upset.

Dsyclecsis are popele too.

Hello world, It's me again. Yay! I have a computer again. And soooo much has happened since the last time. To tell the truth though; I still have the same computer, it's just been "reactivated" so to speak. Whoo Hoo! Anyways. I don't have much to say today. just: Whoo Hoo! Oh yes, Mr. OrangePorch himself has outdone himself. Confusing; I think not. He's written a truly marvelous song! I was the first to hear it... and it just keeps getting better each time. Excellent! jary mane; is the name of the game. Check it out. That is an order.

Formulate my thoughts please.

I think it's funny, or interesting rather, how I can think up some of the occurrences as "day dreams" that fly through my head and thought patterns as viable possibilities. For instance; who thinks about making the huge mistake of getting drunk and then married in Vegas? But more than that; how they would handle and cope with it as a continuing reality, with an onslaught of unfathomable aftermath? Or even how they'd handle the consequences of their actions sexually. whether consensual or not. Who really sits around and thinks; If I did this thing, which I'm not going to do, and this happens because of it, and thus a certain series of events might occur... How would I react in THAT situation? Not even the immediate situation, but one that has sprung from the possible possibilities and mere chances that have a low probability to even occur at all. Who thinks about the reactions to the results of an action that is so unlikely to happen; that once one comes upon this realization, they're so befuddled by it's seeming randonimity, that they are delved even further into the endless line of possible outcomes and circumstances to come from this almost impossible quarry? And then, Above all; Why?

DayMares, Night Ponies

I had this thought a couple of weeks ago that; Daydreams have that specified indicator that they are happy, and are of things you want or with for. As in a fantasy. However, what is it called when your mind rattles through the negative possibilities of what may or may not com to pass? Would it be a daymare? I think not The thoughts are brought on by something that is not wanted, and then are continued through in the manner of; what would happen if this would happen. And furthermore continue on in how I should react to the results and consequences of this? Also; another thought I had. Is it significant to have the same dream three times in the same night? Does that constitute a recurring dream? Or is it just a repetitions nuance of the psyche?