Speaking of Ill Refute

I like Pizza. And this song... la la la... I like my new green king sized throw. comfy. cuddly. Now alls we need is a good film to go with this lazy day. I really don't know what to do with myself. I am so unmotivated. Don't really feel like doing anything. I need to set for myself a new goal. I've got the whole degree thing done. What's next? I need a bike. and maybe a Vespa! Good times. Lately I've found myself obsessing over other peoples wellbeing. taking on the role of caretaker/nurturer. weather I'm wanted in that role or not. and when it's not possible for me to be in the immediate vicinity to act as such, I find myself being overly concerned. Oh well. I've known myself as such for quite sometime. Only this side of my personality has been somewhat subdued due to the immediacy of personal stress at hand. Oh well. I'm here to care for you. *Smile!*

I'm dead with deciding, afraid to choose.

So, I've been thinking allot lately. Now that I'm done with school, what will happen next. I really would love to move in with Eliza, but Her current "rounded guesstimate" price is waaaaay too steep. I cannot continue on driving so far, living in my mom's dining room. It works, but I just can't do it anymore. Another thing I've been thinking about is this; Who will remain in contact with me after all this. I know that the majority of my "friends" that I've made here at school, have their own circles of friends outside of this that I do not fit into. And I don't really have any friends outside of this thus far. Not which are close enough to here. These former current friends are all in the Midwest. This Blows! This stupid place has been such a staple of my life for the past 3 and a half years. I'm not certain how I'll function without all this school stress. And the Rocky and Moose stress. I don't have to deal with the Hedgehog stress... but I've already acquired new stress. Work stress... and "boy" stress, that I really didn't need. So stupid. Which makes me think. How do I get myself into these predicaments? I know that I've already stated that I am a little oblivious to lots of these things. I just don't have them on the forefront of my mind. So they take me by surprise when they happen, And I act out stupidly to them. then I get all confused and overreact to the situation... It's not good. I just want to know where I stand. On whose feet am I? Are we just friends or should I be bolting in another direction. In the words of the Smalltown Poets "each paths growing shorter the longer I stay" In this case. Each choice I make has a shorter fuse to explosion the longer I don't make a decision. MY Gosh! I feel so Stupid sometimes... Why, did I do that? I knew it wouldn't end well. I know that I am also needing forgiveness. I also have no Idea how the other parties will react! Gall Darnitall! All apologies. That's just the way I am.

Marry (My Everything)

I long to pick up these words as they spew from my lips, or vainly would have them fall straight to the floor. I mean no offense with these offenses. I want to love you forever and more. How do I put this into perspective.

I won’t do anything for you until you change my name.

I want to give you my world, my everything, all that is left to give. I want you to trust your soul with me. But we’re on opposites sides of a different bridge. I want to let you be my all, so I can do all of this for you. But first I need to lay out this.

I won’t do anything for you until you change my name.

To move the mountains, truly. the cliché in your eyes, yet this disdain. I want to only live and still survive. I long to be your live in. I’d even quit my life. I’ll be your only lover, and keep you in my heart. If you want me to, you can keep me in the dark. You need to have me only to care and soothe and keep. I’ll mend and do your cooking but keep in mind;

I won’t do anything for you until you change my name.

Can’t do anything I want to ‘till you change my name.

This love lust that we’ve started my dearest, may I please remind. You are my first and last here.

But can’t do anything for you unless you change my name.

Fear(s) of the Heart

There is something I really do want to spew out here, but I fear that's all it will come out as, is a spew of venom. and that's would not be helpful, intentful, or good. Let me formulate a thoughts a bit longer, and hopefully I will be able to lay it out. I hope I don't wait too long. People are already noticing.

And It Comes Down To This...

Graduation, graduation! I've been freaking out for a week or so. cool huh! I'm just about done again. I was, but had to reprint. Then my book needs to be re-upholstered. and I have to re-work three pages. then there are my leave behinds, and my resume; which need to be printed. I have to add photos to my process book. And put together the music campaign for Mr. OrangePorch himself. Neat! That and the whole drama of moving out of the dining room. Party On! Then I'll be a real person! hahahahaha.... Don't make me laugh. there's just too much drama going on right now to be dealing with the other stress that I'm dealing with. I still can't say, even if it was forgotten to swear me to secrecy. I don't want someone to hate you, purely for me, and what I've stated. but I'm a girl, I have to talk about these things. DUH! And that's another thing. There is all this stuff out there. It states exactly how females are. Not all of it is literary. I sit there and say exactly how I am... and Males still don't get it. How much more assistance in this do you need? Ask me a direct question, you're most likely to get a direct answer. But I have to know you're being direct. Don't beat around the bush, or play games. That is so aggravating, it frustrates me. But then again; that may just be my instantaneous, black and white personality.

3rd Rock

Where did i leave off with you? Several lines of probity of recherche garrulously fall from a forked tongue on a two faced rara avis.

Elvis and the candyman are good brothers.

Righteous! now it's 60! Yay! Well, I'm really tired. I get like three hours of sleep a night, I know, I know, my own fault. No one forced me to stay out till one every night. Not like I'm doing homework. But I don't want to fall out of touch with people. I just need to Learn to say no, or manage my time better. Oh well, I've got a week to be finished with the port and my "thesis" and all that jazz. Whoo hoo! Then it's LasVegas. By the way, I still need one more person to go with us. Preferably a guy, so Buzzy won't be out of place, so to speak. I'm open to suggestions. Just needs to be someone I know preferably, and someone that all the rest of us can get along with for four days... That's all for now... TTFN.

-Strictly Business-

Candy canes and sugar-pops

A bullet through my eye

Turpitude

The name of call

Slowly steadily dies.

Retrograde expanses

Pandering to become

Limp and soulless

Sisters of doth

Mothers of emptiness

The children of the open

Tourniquet spinners

Spiders crawling

Upside down into pipes

Created in the boxes

On the corners of giants

Who care not

About the

Insubordination required

Next of kin

Fathers of a hopeless nation

Falling onto your scissors

Gouging

Keeping up with Mr. You

Here it is

A Rat poker lollipop

Created of lust

And greed

For your body

-Soggy Paper (The Right Words)-

I should keep some paper by the shower

That’s where I get the best words

Of all things I need to say to you

The circumstances I want to curse

You’re not the first best friend to break my heart

It has happened times before

I’ve given you a new start

Though you’ve hurt me times before

Why does the pain ache all through my bones?

It starts in my heart and works to my soul

Kind of like candy in a dirty old sock

The very next day, I’m the treat of a pox

Porcelain outlines draw tears on my face

You’ve trampled my heart all over the place

You lock me out cold, outside in the dart

Then you tell me your soul, and cause me to start

I’m afraid of the consequences rendered

Now to be faceless down in the mud

If only you would react as tender

Could we stop the decay of the flood?

The friendship we have is not but a riot

A candy cane serpent is drawing quite near

Sometimes I wish you’d trust me and try

The only thing holding me back is this fear.

-Fingertips-

I long to be in your presence

To have your body touching my fingertips

Take this magnet of you

Release the watch I see

I want to drink you away in

Combine my metaphors

Realities and redundancies

I need your eyes reviewing my lips

To have your body touching my fingertips

Is the Water really that close?

well, It seems they lied to me. That was only 55. UpDate! Well, I got my favorite compliment again! That makes me so Happy! I really can't say more than that on that. I've decided that the song was wrong. It was still good. Lot's of first times for things this week. Good Times! Good Times! it's been fun. a little stupid at times. But Fun none the less. And there's still more to come I fear. Party On! Another thought though. I'd like to find someone who will rent me their couch space.